Meet the LOS ANGELES MEWORAL CANDIDATES!

Rescued before anyone could force them onto a ballot, SPENCER GRRRATT & KAREN BHISS are two kittens offering a dramatically more successful governing model than anything currently available to the voters of Los Angeles. Unlike their namesakes, they have clear priorities, achievable goals, and can generally be trusted not to spend six months arguing about who's to blame for the empty food bowl.

SPENCER GRRRATT: Relentlessly optimistic and permanently campaigning for a job no one offered him, Spencer approaches life as an endless series of publicity stunts disguised as solutions. He ricochets through the house launching wildly ambitious initiatives, inserts himself into situations that were functioning perfectly well without him, and remains certain that history will eventually recognize his genius.

KAREN BHISS: Polished, ambitious, and perpetually convinced she is the most qualified candidate in any room, Karen approaches every situation with the confidence of someone who already has a prepared statement. She can often be found conducting highly visible inspections of household operations, although her actual accomplishments remain mostly limited to looking extremely important while sitting in a sunbeam.

Together, they spend their days campaigning aggressively for lap access, forming temporary coalitions around meal times, and making promises they absolutely intend to keep. Their policy agenda is refreshingly straightforward: more snacks, more cuddles, and universal access to cardboard boxes.

Spencer & Karen will be delivered vaccinated, microchipped, dewormed, flea-treated, FIV/FeLV tested, and spayed/neutered, no debates required.