The Sopawnos
Meet PATSY PAWRISI, JOHNNY SACRIMEOWNI, SILVIO CLAWNTE, ROSALIE APURRILE, & PAWLIE GUALTIERI! Just when federal authorities believed they had identified all the major players, five more names surfaced in the investigation.
This latest faction of the Sopawnos has been operating quietly, cultivating connections, settling scores, and establishing the sort of plausible deniability that comes from being extremely cute and constitutionally incapable of testifying. Several household objects have already met unfortunate ends. Nobody saw anything. Nobody heard anything. Frankly, it would be healthier if you stopped asking questions.
PATSY PAWRISI: Quiet, observant, and effortlessly agreeable, Patsy has figured out that there is considerable power in being the one person in the family who isn’t constantly making a scene. She is sweet, affectionate, and content to keep her head down while everyone else conducts themselves like lunatics. Don’t mistake her easygoing nature for inattention, however. Patsy sees everything, remembers everything, and has simply made the very sensible decision not to get involved unless absolutely necessary.
JOHNNY SACRIMEOWNI: Elegant, devoted, and deeply invested in proper respect, Johnny carries himself with the gravity of someone who considers nearly everything a matter of principle. He is affectionate, loyal, and takes his relationships very seriously — this is not a kitten who does casual. He appreciates good manners, close confidants, and people who understand that certain subjects are simply not discussed. Particularly weight. Some jokes never make it past the sit-down.
SILVIO CLAWNTE: Smooth, attentive, and pathologically hands-on, Silvio takes his role as consigliere very seriously — which apparently means supervising absolutely everything you do from a distance of no more than three inches. He is aggressively affectionate, chronically underfoot, and constitutionally incapable of allowing anyone to conduct business without his personal involvement. Privacy is inefficient. Boundaries impede communication. And Silvio cannot properly advise the family if he isn’t physically sitting on it.
ROSALIE APURRILE: Glamorous, outspoken, and magnificently intolerant of BS, Rosalie has survived enough men making terrible decisions to recognize one before it has fully entered the room. She is affectionate, socially astute, and capable of reducing an adversary to rubble with a single expression. Rosalie does not start drama. She simply attends it, identifies the idiot responsible, and provides commentary.
PAWLIE GUALTIERI: Opinionated, inquisitive, and unwilling to ever mind his own business, Pawlie maintains a keen interest in everything happening within his jurisdiction. He monitors household activity, inserts himself into conversations that do not concern him, and has never encountered a private matter he didn’t consider potentially relevant to the larger investigation. Whatever happened to the houseplant is between the houseplant and God. He said his piece.
The Sopawnos are vaccinated, microchipped, flea treated, dewormed, FIV/FeLV negative, and spayed/neutered.
Please note: Like any respectable crime syndicate, the Sopawnos prefer to operate in pairs. Therefore, we prioritize applicants looking to bring home two associates. Individual placements are reserved for homes already infiltrated by another young cat. After all, even a made cat needs an accomplice.
The Sopawnos
Meet PATSY PAWRISI, JOHNNY SACRIMEOWNI, SILVIO CLAWNTE, ROSALIE APURRILE, & PAWLIE GUALTIERI! Just when federal authorities believed they had identified all the major players, five more names surfaced in the investigation.
This latest faction of the Sopawnos has been operating quietly, cultivating connections, settling scores, and establishing the sort of plausible deniability that comes from being extremely cute and constitutionally incapable of testifying. Several household objects have already met unfortunate ends. Nobody saw anything. Nobody heard anything. Frankly, it would be healthier if you stopped asking questions.
PATSY PAWRISI: Quiet, observant, and effortlessly agreeable, Patsy has figured out that there is considerable power in being the one person in the family who isn’t constantly making a scene. She is sweet, affectionate, and content to keep her head down while everyone else conducts themselves like lunatics. Don’t mistake her easygoing nature for inattention, however. Patsy sees everything, remembers everything, and has simply made the very sensible decision not to get involved unless absolutely necessary.
JOHNNY SACRIMEOWNI: Elegant, devoted, and deeply invested in proper respect, Johnny carries himself with the gravity of someone who considers nearly everything a matter of principle. He is affectionate, loyal, and takes his relationships very seriously — this is not a kitten who does casual. He appreciates good manners, close confidants, and people who understand that certain subjects are simply not discussed. Particularly weight. Some jokes never make it past the sit-down.
SILVIO CLAWNTE: Smooth, attentive, and pathologically hands-on, Silvio takes his role as consigliere very seriously — which apparently means supervising absolutely everything you do from a distance of no more than three inches. He is aggressively affectionate, chronically underfoot, and constitutionally incapable of allowing anyone to conduct business without his personal involvement. Privacy is inefficient. Boundaries impede communication. And Silvio cannot properly advise the family if he isn’t physically sitting on it.
ROSALIE APURRILE: Glamorous, outspoken, and magnificently intolerant of BS, Rosalie has survived enough men making terrible decisions to recognize one before it has fully entered the room. She is affectionate, socially astute, and capable of reducing an adversary to rubble with a single expression. Rosalie does not start drama. She simply attends it, identifies the idiot responsible, and provides commentary.
PAWLIE GUALTIERI: Opinionated, inquisitive, and unwilling to ever mind his own business, Pawlie maintains a keen interest in everything happening within his jurisdiction. He monitors household activity, inserts himself into conversations that do not concern him, and has never encountered a private matter he didn’t consider potentially relevant to the larger investigation. Whatever happened to the houseplant is between the houseplant and God. He said his piece.
The Sopawnos are vaccinated, microchipped, flea treated, dewormed, FIV/FeLV negative, and spayed/neutered.
Please note: Like any respectable crime syndicate, the Sopawnos prefer to operate in pairs. Therefore, we prioritize applicants looking to bring home two associates. Individual placements are reserved for homes already infiltrated by another young cat. After all, even a made cat needs an accomplice.