Meet TOM CLAWMBSGANS!

Rescued from a colony in Garden Grove, this devastatingly handsome solid grey kitten has traded the indignities of street life for a promising career in corporate social climbing. Having apparently concluded that poverty is a character flaw best avoided through strategic relationships, Tom is now seeking a wealthy benefactor with a comfortable home, an impressive benefits package, and absolutely no expectation that he contribute financially.

Like his namesake from Succession, Tom possesses the face of an angel, the survival instincts of a corporate cockroach, and a nearly pathological desire to be liked by people who control his future. Affectionate, playful, and shamelessly approval-seeking, he has perfected the art of ingratiating himself with management, although his negotiating strategy consists primarily of purring, flattery, and surrendering whatever remains of his dignity. His willingness to perform increasingly humiliating acrobatics for treats suggests that, like the original Tom Wambsgans, there is virtually nothing he won’t do to advance his position.

Despite his naked ambition and questionable professional ethics, Tom is an extraordinarily sweet little boy who genuinely adores human attention. He is also an enthusiastic participant in office politics, particularly when those politics involve wrestling with another kitten, staging hostile takeovers of the cat tree, or aggressively lobbying for a second breakfast. Unlike most corporate executives, however, Tom is perfectly willing to lick the boots of his superiors, provided they’re attached to someone who might feed him.

Ultimately, Tom has no intention of spending his life as anyone’s subordinate. He is looking for a permanent appointment as Cat Executive Officer, preferably in a household with another young feline colleague to handle the actual work while he takes all the credit, absorbs the praise, and positions himself to survive the next round of layoffs.

In short, Tom is not a serious kitten. But unlike the executives at Waystar Royco, he is exceptionally qualified to make someone happy. Tom is vaccinated, microchipped, flea treated, dewormed, FIV/FeLV tested, and neutered.